Monday, June 19, 2006

i am alive

you wouldn't believe the number of times i've said "hmm, need to update the jerk" and didn't. i even had a couple of drafts that i wrote that didn't feel right.

as you can guess, i'm done with 2nd year. i've taken my boards and await to take the USMLE on wednesday. then i start my medicine rotation at...well, i'm not sure really. (ok, this will give away my identity to people who read my other journal, which i have been updating as usual. but, like anyone cares, right?) due to the preceptor's illness, my previous medicine rotation was cancelled. i'm supposed to find out today where i will be next monday. it could be anywhere, even michigan, although that's a stretch.

2nd year went well academically, but personally tested the limits of my sanity and emotional stability. i didn't get divorced or anything, but a death in my husband's family brought confirmation that there is indeed a fatal genetic disease hanging around. i don't want to elaborate, but it's one of those diseases where you think "jesus, i'm glad that's not in my family" when you learn about it, and since it's on every board exam, so i'm bound to get a nice punch in the gut on wednesday when i'm trying to concentrate.

in the last few months, we have learned a lot about insurance policies and terminal illness. patients with the disease have a suicide rate 7 times higher than the normal population, and face the reality of never being insurable again after testing positive. needless to say, i am terrified at the possibility of losing my husband after he suffers from horrible symptoms for years or commits suicide, not being able to have children and the absolute uncertainty of our lives forever.

yes, they could find a cure. the problem is theoretically an easy one to solve, and there is a lot of research money thrown at this disease. but they are still in the easy (like, mouse and drosophila) stages of the most promising research, and i'm afraid by the time they figure out something he will be too sick for it to make a difference. godspeed, researchers- please find the way to help people with this gene.

i wish i could say more, but the fact that this is out there in the internets stops me, as does the pain that comes with thinking (and writing) about it. i just had to put something up here though.


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